Robert Anton Wilson - Surrealist Investigation of Claims of the Normal

You know, in Zen they say Enlightenment consists of recognizing everything as nothing special. I got a nice exegesis on that last weekend from Isle one, the Tai Chi Master. He said: nothing special, just another lousy sunrise. And if you can look at the whole world that way: nothing special, just another lousy Sunrise, just more rain, just more food. You got to put your clothes on, you gotta drive your car- nothing special, then you've achieved Buddhist Enlightenment. Nothing special, just another lousy sunrise. I I test Myself by listening to Rush Limbaugh. Where fresh Limbaugh seems like nothing special, I feel I'm getting close to buddhahood. Unfortunately, Rush Limbaugh very seldom seems like nothing special. He seems like something obnoxious. And so I know I haven't. I haven't achieved buddhahood yet. So I listened to him more often to try to develop the ideal Buddhist Detachment. It's sort of like hitting yourself with a knobby stick until you don't feel anything. Then you know you've achieved Detachment. And I lately, his major passion is Hillary Rodham Clinton, who has a Wonderful Name, by the way. When, when before Bill ran for a president, she was Hillary Rodham, which is a name that sounds like a railroad train going away. Hillary Rodham, Hillary Rodham, Hillary Rodham. And then, when he ran for president, because she was suspected of being a liberated woman, God forbid. She changed it to Hillary Clinton, which sounds like a train coming close. A Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton. Now that he's elected, she's become Hillary Rodham Clinton, which sounds like a train crossing a shaky Bridge: Hillary Rodham Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton would be. That as it may, she's a. She's a very cute lady and very bright, and I like her a lot and I I'm fascinated by the way Rush Limbaugh rages and rants against her and I finally realized it's not hatred, it's frustrated love. This man is in love with her, but he doesn't know how to express love. It's the most tragic love affair since King Kong and Fey Rey, and you can see the physical resemblance between both of them. Show more

Russia has a lot in common with King Kong and Hillary has a lot in common with Faye Ray, and I think the tragedy of King Kong is that he could never express his love. He tried to, but he didn't know how. When you first see the film, you think he's attacking Fey Rey. Then when you see it over a few hundred times, like most of us have, you realize Kang is always trying to express love, but he doesn't know how? That's because he's lived his whole life behind a wall with a bunch of dinosaurs, and it's the same with Rush Limbaugh. He grew up among Republicans, which is like living your whole life behind a wall with a bunch of dinosaurs. So he tries to express love. That comes out sounding like a little boy spite, it sounds like like hatred, but it's really frustrated love. And who can blame him? I mean, don't we all have a Yen for Hillary? Anyway, one of these days they're going to walk into the studio and find them. They're dead with french fries and Big Macs and malted chocolate- malted all over the place. That's because he dislikes the AMA. He believes all their health rules are more liberal propaganda, anything that interferes with his appetites or prejudices her liberal propaganda and opposed Family Values. You know what family values means? That's hating the same people your grandfather hated. Anyway, they're going to find them there with all this junk food, dead and somebody from the AMA is going to walk in and say, well, the junk food finally killed them. And then Robert Armstrong will walk in and say, no, it wasn't the junk food, it was beauty that killed the Beast. That's one of my alternative endings for King Kong. We make it with Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton. Another alternative ending I have in mind is: We Do It Uncensored this time and you can see King Kong's done, which you never saw in the original. Most people have never thought much about how big King Kong's dong was, even although it's in the back of all of our minds, if you stop to think about this. Lots of jokes about it. Show more

We were just afraid to talk about it in public. We joke about it in private. It's the great allegory of the 20th century and, of course, the the what's right out in the open, the most obvious thing: how could they do? It is the one thing we never have to talk about publicly. Could they do it at all? There's a little hint of that in that question in the remake made by Dino DiLaurentis where Jessica Lang says: be reasonable, Conga can't work between the two of us. But a French critic named Raymond Bernard wrote an essay based on comparative anatomy and mythology and concluded that by comparative Anatomy King Kong should have 30 inches, but given his size, compared to the size of an ordinary gorilla. But he rejects that after demonstrating it on the grounds the Kong is not a creature in Zoology but mythologies and if hefallic Divinity and the family of pan, Dionysus, Osiris. All those old Mediterranean Gods had a gigantic Langs which are seldom shown in popular books on the ancient world. You got to get into really scholarly Works to find out. They were all shown with Dex, three times the average size. The ancient Mediterranean belief seems to have been: the greater the mass of the Willy, the greater the Divinity in dwelling. And so King Kong- Bernard figures- must have had three times as much as we'd expect. It gives them around six feet, and so you can understand the panic in New York when King Kong is on the loose. A gigantic gorilla in heat is terrifying enough, but a gigantic gorilla in heat with a six foot Wang is absolutely terrifying. I wonder everybody's screaming and running around. But you know this. This ancient Mediterranean belief about Divinity and dwelling in the Willy, and the bigger the Willy, the more Divinity- has made me wonder who had the Who had. Who had the bigger dick, King Kong or God? I decided King Kong because if you read Genesis, God walks around the Garden of Eden without knocking over any of the trees. King Kong couldn't walk through there without banging over half the things he ran into. Show more

He was so enormous. I think God is about 18 feet compared to King Kong's 60 feet. But getting back to ithophallic divinities, as they called in the anthropology books, this, I think, underlies the Roman Catholic doctrine that a woman can't be a priest. Protestants of women ministers and most of the Protestant churches: now there are women rabbis. There have been a couple of women Zen Masters. All the other religions have moved with the times, but the pope keeps insisting there can be no women priests because the priest represents Christ and the most important thing about Christ was that he had a willy. Most people think the most important thing about Christ is that he represents love, forgiveness, endless compassion, Noble ideas, but the secret teaching within the Vatican seems to be that the most important thing about Christ was that he had a willy, and an absolutely enormous one. It must have been for him to be the chief of all the gods, and that's that's probably why the election of the pope is surrounded with such secrecy. Every time a pope dies and they have to elect a new pope, they go into this solemn conclave. Well, the doors are locked, no, but nobody knows what goes on in there. It's all a big secret until some smoke comes out, which is the signal that they've made. They've made a choice. I I think the the way they do it is sort of like they cast the lead in a porno film. Everybody lays it on the table in the in the weather, Pilgrim with the biggest musket wins. Because that goes back to this idea of the sanctity of the Willy which is so Central to Pagan, Mediterranean and Catholic thinking. One of the things that fascinates me is the information explosion, as it's called, where there's a French Economist named George yandella Who converted everything into binary units which you can do on a computer, and estimated how much information we had at the time of the birth of Christ, which is a western, imperialist way of looking at history, dating everything from the birth of Christ. Show more

But that's the way he did it and he did provide us with some interesting figures. You take. I call this the Jumping Jesus phenomenon because Angela didn't use that, I didn't name his unit of information, so I decided it needed a name and units are named after important people, like the fire ride is named after Faraday, the what if, the what, the volt after Volta, and so on. So I decided we should call the unit of information that Jesus, all the information we had in 180, which is the first unit annually used, I call one Jesus. The question is, how long did it take to double? It took 1500 years and by 1500 AD we had two Jesus, or twice as much information units, twice as many bets in computer terminology, twice as many bytes actually. The right after that, in one breeding generation, 17 years, Martin Luther hung his 95 feces on the door of Detroit. Wait a minute, that's 95 Theses, I beg your pardon. And we had the first successful Protestant Revolution and another breeding generation: 1534, Henry VII started the second successful Protestant Revolution and the next 200 years represented continuous religious war in Europe. By 1723, Jonathan Swift made the very true observation: we have enough religion to hate one another, but not enough to love one another. Ask Salman rushdi about that. Anyway, by 1750 information had doubled again and most of the people- the Intelligentsia anyway in Europe- were getting sick and tired of these religious wars. And Freemasonry was invented as a secret society to unite people in spite of their religious differences. And the French encyclopedists were writing books about history without giving religion any importance at all, discussing economics and other factors in history. And we had four Jesus. And in the next half a century we had James Watt. He invented the steam engine and we had the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, followed rapidly on the political level by the American Revolution, the French Revolution, the first Mexican Revolution, the Bolivar Revolutions in South America, the United Irish Uprising, which was the closest thing to a successful Irish Revolution, until 1916.. Show more

The whole world began turning over and pretty soon the Kings where we, those, the justicular heads, are abolished entirely. Capitalism replaced feudalism, industrialism replaced agriculture. The whole world changed. That's what happens when information doubles, just like the Catholic Church hegemony over the Western World collapsed after the doubling in 1500.. And the next doubling only took 150 years, and by 1900 we were living an entirely different world. But Royal people in 1750 couldn't begin to imagine, except the wildest among them, like Condor assay, who predicted most of what happened. He's always listed as the most unrealistic of the French revolutionaries because he thought it would all happen in the next 20 years. Well, it took 150 years, but most of his utopian predictions came true. By 1900 people were trying to get off the air, off the ground, and by 1905 the Wright brothers did it. In 1900 quantmechanics began. We were the first step towards the atomic bomb. The next doubling only took 50 years and by 1950 we had twice as much information as 1900 or 16 times as much as at the time of Christ, the. The information acceleration was itself accelerating. By 1950 it had doubled again to 32 J, 32 Jesus, and we had had two World Wars, the rise of fascism and the collapse, the rise of Communism, without its collapse yet, and the whole world had changed by 1950. Everybody except the change is natural and normal, and the most people were beginning. They asked: what kind of changes can we expect next? Except for the conservatives who kept saying: how can we carry things back to the way they were in granddad's time, but which you can never do. Once the genie is out of the bottle, you can't put it back in. Information intrinsically tends to produce more information. It breeds faster than rabbits, because if I have one unit of information and you have one unit of information and we talk to each other, pretty soon we've got four units of information, not two. Because they breathe, they interact, the information sheds light on other information. Show more

That doubling between 1900 and 1950 was the first time in history that a human being had could live through a doubling of information. While the others were longer than a human lifespan, that one was well within a human lifespan. The next doubling only took 10 years, and my 1960 information was up to 64 Jesus. And by then everybody was expecting rather the change to accelerate even faster, when we had a worldwide youth Revolution which nobody understood at the time and nobody fully understands even yet. By 1967 information had doubled again and by 1973 it had doubled again. Now just imagine that the phrase doubling took 1500 years, between 63 and 60, as 7 and 73 was only six years for a complete doubling of the information we had. They're now starting to wonder how a scientist can keep up with the knowledge in her or his own field. Knowledge is doubling so fast. The last person to know all of mathematics was a Russian named ostrovsky, who died in 1918. It's now estimated that somebody who devotes their whole life to mathematics can learn maybe five percent of all the published theorems, and that'll drive. I figure we'll drop the two percent pretty soon. Every information is just well, to go back to my own metaphor- multiplying like rabbits, so to speak. Like rabbits in Australia. The latest estimate I've seen is by Dr Jacques Valley, who runs a computer company in Silicon Gulch. He says information is doubling every 18 months. So rather, he said that in 1988. I assume that now I'm in 93, it's doubling even faster every year, every six months. I don't know, but the the rate is increasing. Now every time information doubles, technology changes. Every time technology changes, Society changes. Look how the steam engine changed Society from an agricultural, monarchist, religious base to Democratic, industrial, secular base. Look at how the atomic bomb changed the world. We came to live with Dread and horror of our own governments. We got to the point now where the world is gradually moving away from war. Show more

After 4 000 years of absolute enchantment with the excitement and fun of warfare, was suddenly afraid of it. We know it can kill us, even if we're staying home and we're old enough to be exempt that had. A bomb might drop on us. And so the world is moving toward peace. It didn't surprise me at all when there were being and the Arafat, your cans on the White House law and everybody's beginning to realize how dangerous war is to us, to the whole biosphere. Now the IRA is revealed, has been having secret negotiations with the British government. I was joking about that. After rabine and Arafat made their first step, I said next will be the IRA and the British government. It happened even quicker than I expected, but that that's the way it is. The Curious Thing is that a mathematician named Gordon has published a theorem that is: information flow increases, unpredictability increases. That is, the world is getting more and more unpredictable. I heard Gordon present that paper at the Royal future Society in 1989 and then I flew to Europe for a lecture tour and in Zurich people were arguing about when the Berlin Wall would come down and they said within 10 years. By the time I got to Cologne in Germany, people were saying within five years. By the time I got to Berlin, people were saying it's going to come down in the next one or two years. Things are really changing fast. The day after I left Berlin the Wall came down. I just missed it. But I was lucky. A friend in Berlin sent me five pieces of the Barrel in Wallace souvenirs to compensate me for missing, seeing coming and seeing it being torn down. I got the five pieces of the Barrel in wall in front of my statue of the Buddha to remind me of the Buddhist teaching: all things are impermanent, all wines are impairment and all separations are impermanent every time, every Border in Europe or anywhere in the world, but I like to use Europe as an example because there's so many borders there which are disappearing now with the European Parliament and the movements on a single currency. Show more

Every water in Europe represents a place where two gangs of domesticated primates fought until they were exhausted and Drew a new line on a map. While primates mark their territories with excretions, domesticated primates mark their territories with excretions of Ink on paper, which are known as treaties or maps that results from the treaties. And all these borders, all these trees, they're all breaking down. We saw a tremendous wave of Hysteria in this country against NAFTA, but NAFTA is just part of the general tendency for all the borders to come down one by one. Parole was raving that there were six Mexicans following him around planning to shoot him. I'm sure he thought they had mustaches and I don't know why he didn't say so. I think I know how pero's mind works and he could visualize these six Mexicans. They all had not only mustaches but big black, bristly mustaches and they all talked like the bandits and, I hope, pretended to be federales at the end of Treasure of the Sierra Madre. We don't gotta show you those thinking badges. And that's the kind of Hysteria among the people who can't understand why all the waters are coming down everywhere. But that is the transformation the world is going through due to the information explosion, which is happening faster all the time. But there's a doubling of information that I was talking about, leading to unpredictability. This unpredictability- in mathematics it's technically known as chaos, and that's one of the fastest growing fields of math, this chaos theory, which has been applied to virtually every science, from economics to the traffic patterns I in and out of Los Angeles and biology, and even to physics. The fascinating thing about chaos theory is that I was one of the Pioneers, without even knowing it. Back in 1957, two friends of mine named male eclipse, the younger, and Ho Chi Zen were in a bowling alley in Yorba Linda, the birthplace of Richard Nixon, and they were arguing about why there's so much chaos in the world and, according to Ho Chi Zan, the chimpanzee walked in and said: read both French, all this chaos is due to Harris. Show more

And then disappeared in the puff of Green Smoke. According to malaclips, they figured it out themselves and ho Chi's and just invented the miraculous talking chimpanzee to make this religion more attractive to the gullible. So the each excommunicated each other. Male Clips became the head of the discordian Orthodoxy and Omar Ho Chi Zen became the head of the lunatic fringe and as soon as I learned about this religion, I excommunicated both of them and we were all popes of three different factions of the discordian society, which is true to the spirit of male eclipses, original revelation. We discordians must stick apart. We used to print cards that said: the bearer of this card is a genuine and authorized Pope, so please treat him right. Good forever guaranteed by the house of Apostles of Aries and the site of the few beautiful future, San Andreas Canyons, San Francisco. Well, that card has been reprinted quite a bit. It's in male eclipses, Magn opiate, the principia discordia, how I found goddess and what I did to her after I found her. It's also in the novel illuminatus by Bob Shay and me, and it's even in a serious sociological study called Drawing down the moon: goddess Worship in America by Margot Adler, a sociologist who's the granddaughter of Alfred Adler, one of the three founders of modern Saya depth psychology. She treats the arisian discordian Revelation as a serious part of the Pagan Revival and Prince the Cod. So anybody who wants to be a pope can just cut the card out of one of those books and have your own Pope card. However, if you don't think you need credentials. You become a pope as soon as you hear me speak about this, because everybody who hears my voice is immediately pontificated. I have this started when I was in Ireland. I lived in Ireland for six years and at that time the Pope- the one in Rome, the guy who thinks he's the only Pope- he announced that Bishops could give indulgences over television. And Dublin has the most argumentative and air. You died atheists in the whole world because they were all educated by Jesuits. Show more

So they started writing mocking letters to the Irish Times asking question, theological questions like: if you haven't paid your TV license, you see an island as well as England. You have to have a pay, a license for your TV. If you haven't paid your TV license, when the bishop gives the Indulgence that, you get the Indulgence or is it canceled because your license isn't valid? Or an even tougher one: if you make a video tape of it and play it over and over, do you get Perpetual Indulgence? Well, well, the Jesuits who are wrestling with those conundrums I got the idea of. So they can give indulgences over TV. I can give pontifications. So every time I appeared on TV I announced that everybody listening to me was a discordian pope, absolutely infallible as the right to excommunicate, while the other discordian popes- and this vastly increased our membership- handing out cards. We only had about 10 000 popes. Since I've started doing pontifications on radio and TV, we've got close to 20 million popes at least. Now we're not going to stop until every man, woman and child on this planet is an authentic discordian Pope, and then let's start. And then let's see how that old queen and the Vatican reacts when he's only one among with all population of the Earth, where all popes together. The discordian Revelation which the miraculous talking chimpanzee revealed, or which malaclips and home invented themselves, comes from both French or from hestied. There was a. This is the doctrine of the original snub and it explains all the chaos in the world better than anything in mathematical chaos theory, or you can consider it an allegory of mathematical chaos theory. They were having a party on Olympus and they didn't invite Eris because she was known as the goddess of chaos, confusion, Discord, bureaucracy and international relations. Those are the five different stages of Chaos. You see, you start out with simple chaos and then people start arguing about how to organize it, which leads to confusion. Show more

Then they start battling each other, which creates this chord. Then they form a bureaucracy to control the chaos and then they start interfering with other countries, which makes for international relations. Those are the five Heights of chaos. This is the law of fives, which is why the Pentagon, which is always messing with other people's politics, it's internet, it represents international relations of the highest form of chaos and it's a five-sided building. We we call The Joint Chiefs of Staff the Knights of the five-sided Castle or the order of queote. They are all sacred, discording and Saints, because they've done more to make the world chaotic in the last 50 years than all the other forces put together. Anyway, the not being invited to the party Eris made him an apple of beautiful gold, some same metallic gold, the greatest horror to be found in Cyprus. Others claim it was macapoco gold. But be that as it may, she through there. She wrote on the Apple kalisti, which is Greek to the prettiest one, and threw it into the party. And immediately three of the goddesses claimed that: Hera, Aphrodite and Athena. Hermes claimed that. So you know about Hermes. But anyway, the the LED to such a spot that Zeus appointed a mortal named Paris and let him choose who was the prettiest one. And they all try to bribe him. Hera offered him wealth, Athena offered him wisdom, and Aphrodite, who understood men better than either of those, off of him Helen, the wife of Menelaus. He grabbed Helen and took off for Troy. Menelaus got royally pissed off and that was the beginning of international relations. He got all the other Greek princes together, they formed an army and they attacked Troy. And we've been involved in chaos, discoid, confusion, bureaucracy and international relations ever since, just because of the original snub. That's the ontological part of discordian. That's the esoteric or anthological part that anybody can understand. The exoteric part, the mysterious part, is based on the see, a distant affirmation which was revealed by Saint gulak, the stoned, who was a roach, a cockroach that is. Show more

And the saint gulak revealed that all ideas are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense. True and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense, and you will achieve Supreme enlightenment. If you repeat this 666 times, you will achieve absolute Supreme Enlightenment in some sense. Well, the discordian religion, as I say, is spread and spread. We've got millions and millions of popes and we're getting mentioned more and more often the sacred discordian number 23 pops up in more and more screenplays. You see it on the covers of rock albums. It appears in rock songs with the world. I think we're the world's fastest growing religion and we still remain absolutely esoteric because nobody has ever heard of us in the in official the menu. I thank God. If they ever hear of us, they'll probably decide we're a cult- and you know what happens to Cults in this country- look at the Branch Davidians- so it's best they don't hear about us. Out of all the, out of all this chaos we're going through or the rapid changes the world is being mutated through. Terence McKenna, for instance, has calculated this rate of information and Novelty is going to, in 2012, reach the point where information is doubling every day and then by mid-summer it's doubling every hour and in December it'll be doubling every second and then every millionth of a second, at which point we encounter a transcendental object in history ends. I don't know what the hell that last part means. Let Terence explain that himself. In all this chaos and Rapid change, I I think I can see certain trajectories emerging. A human lifespan in ancient Rome was about 30 years. It didn't change much through most of history, with all the doublings of knowledge. Up to 1750 the average lifespan of the working class was still less than 30 years and The Aristocrats didn't live much longer. 37 years was average in the 19th century England. Show more

Engels, studying the statistics and in his book the condition of the working class in England, found that the average working-class family only survived 37 years. By 1900 the insurance companies were keeping records and life expectancy for all classes in the industrial democracies was 50 years. By the second world war it was up to 60 years. It was 73 years when I started writing about life extension in the 70s. Now it's up to 78 years. Judge Burns is 97 and does taken a booking to appear at a Las Vegas nightclub on his 100th birthday and he was asked to be sure that that'll come and that'll work out. And he says: well, if they're still there, I'll be ready. And meanwhile there's more research on the immune system and other things connected with longevity right now than there has ever been. There are more scientists alive than there has ever been. Most people in longevity research- and I've interviewed a lot of them- expect a major breakthrough sometime in the next decade or so, the next couple of decades. A human lifespan will not be calculated in decades, but in centuries. Nobody knows how many centuries. This is still a wide open field. You get profit. You get predictions like: we can extend the human lifespan to 400 years, we can extend it to 700 years, some of the conservatives say 140 years. We just don't know. But the research that's going on indicates that most people are going to live a lot longer than they expect, especially since war was getting phased out as a method of resolving conflicts. Along with that, Clinton is now pushing President Clinton of a slick Willy, as Rush Limbaugh prefers to call him. Clinton is the only President in my lifetime that I would like to have for dinner because I could carry on an intelligent conversation with him. He tries to hide his intelligence as much as possible. You've got to do that in American politics, but I heard him say counter-intuitive one time in his speech. Anybody who can use the word counter-intuitive and knows what it means is a road scholar, which is a matter of fact he is. Show more

Of course he's got to hide it as much as possible. In the early days of this Republic, Jefferson, Adams, Madison, they're all intellectuals. We, this country, elected intellectuals. Then we brought in a lot of cheap way but, and they wanted to be represented by people of their own intellectual level. And it got to the point that by the time of Ronald Reagan you had to act like an idiot to get elected, because anybody with any brains was regarded with extreme suspicion. If you want to know why Reagan got the biggest majority in American political history, just think. There's nobody you can imagine who felt intellectually inferior to Ronald Reagan. You could go to the home for the feeble minded and ask them: what do you think of Ronald Reagan? And they'd say, oh, we love him. He's a regular fella, just like us. And I think George Bush was pretty smart, no morals but a lot of brains. But he did his best to hide his brains. They all do. But Clinton, as I was saying before that aggression, has proposed a joint russian-american space station, which is something I've been urging since even before the Cold War ended. I thought it'd be a good way to end the call to I if we started cooperating in space. It's obvious that the space colonies are going to be built. Harry Stein, the engineers, calculated: there are 10 to the hundredth power industrial processes that can be done cheaper in space. That means everything can be 10 to the hundredth power cheaper than it is now. People are going to be moving into space to take advantage of that and most of our communication Technologies in space. Already most people don't realize. Every time you turn on the television, if you flip, if you go channel surfing, half of what you look at is coming to you from Outer Space by way of satellites. A heavy industry will be following communication industry into space to take advantage of all the things that can be done cheaper out there. Once you've got a lot of Engineers out there, it's going to be like prison: no women. Show more

They're going to get horny and angry and so on. So they're going to have to be allowed to bring their families and that means they'll have to be schools and then they'll want, of course, their own food. They'll have groceries, supermarkets and then they'll want theaters and circuses. Pretty soon everybody will be going into space, some just temporarily, like circuses on the worldwide. Tours will include a visit to the L5 space colony where L6 or whatever, or proxmeyer I. I'm all in favor of having a space station named proximaier after the guy who was a post-based research. More vigorously than anybody else, I want people wandering around 25 years from now saying: why is this place called proxmeyer and then people will tell them about Senator prox buyer and they'll all have a good laugh. Meanwhile, this, all this longevity research is going on. You project forward the general trajectory of where things are going. In the acceleration we're going to have people- maybe not this generation or the next. We're going to have people living hundreds of years, and breakthroughs and the propulsion systems mean we're moving into a Star Trek world. People will be moving all over the Galaxy, eventually out of the Galaxy, and life extension will go on. Research in that will not suddenly reach a limit. We never do reach limits. That's one of the big fallacies of our time- is the idea of limits. There are no limits. So eventually we are graduating from being terrestrial morals to becoming Cosmic Immortals. We are becoming the gods that we imagined a long time ago. I think that's where Evolution has been pointing. As Nietzsche said, what is man? A Bridge between the ape and the Superman, a bridge over an abyss. I think we've passed over the abyss, getting through the Hitler and stylene heirs and outfits and Hiroshima and all those Horrors. We've gone over the abyss and now we are graduating into Cosmic Immortals. As startling as it sounds, that wasn't very funny, was it, but think about it. Many people always expect me to say something about the Illuminati. Show more

Since I first became famous or inFAMOUS for a novel about the Illuminati I wrote with Bob Shay, and then, to compound my Folly, I wrote a few more novels about the Illuminati on my own. The Illuminati was a secret society of the 18th century about which everybody disagrees, because it was sacred and it was so secretive that nobody really can agree about what the secret was. Thomas Jefferson described them as enthusiastic philanthropists, which sounds like High Praise, until you know that in the 18th century, enthusiastic meant Half Crazy, Half Crazy. Philanthropists is what Jefferson was calling them. That they've been accused of being atheists, kabbalistic magicians, solicitors, satanists, Communists, anarchists and just Jeffersonian Republicans. Jefferson also said that if they had lived in America instead of Europe, they wouldn't have been a secret society. They could have profounded all of their ideas, openly protected by the First Amendment. They only had to be a secret society because no place in Europe had a First Amendment. Then whether the Illuminati still exists or not is one of the questions I leave open in my books and I'm not going to close it here. Let people figure that out for themselves. But then they? What made them fascinating was they were a secret society within a secret society, an enigma inside a riddle. To paraphrase Winston Smith or Winston Churchill are one of those Winston guys. The, the Illuminati, were all recruited from Masonic lodges. It was a secret society within Masonry. This technique was copied in the 19th century by the Molly Maguires, which was an Irish terrorist group, sort of forerunners of the IRA, who were recruited within the Ancient Order of Hibernians, which was a secret society. Now the ancient letter of Hibernians, like the Masons, seems to be devoted chiefly to benevolent activities and advancing one another's business interests. The Masons were advancing the interests of the a certain class. They were the Revolutionary class in the 18th century, the bourgeoisie, who wanted to overthrow feudalism. Show more

Now they're the conservative class. The bourgeoisie was terrified to further revolutions, which explains why the typical 18th century Freemason was somebody like Jefferson, Voltaire, Ben Franklin, Mozart, well, well, avant-guard revolutionary thinkers, and the typical Freemasons of today are people like Jay Edgar Hoover and and the paidue crowd in Italy, who I'll come to in a minute, the Molly Maguire is. They worked within the Ancient Order of Hibernians, which was a secret society of no nefarious character, which was just devoted to helping the Irish get established in this country against all the Anglo prejudice against the Irish and they gradually took over a lot of political machines, and some of them they still run, especially in Boston and Chicago. The behind within the, within the Ancient Order of Hibernians, was the Molly Maguire as a terrorist outfit devoted to driving the English out of Ireland by any means necessary. They were just copying the Illuminati, a secret society within a secret society. There's a good film about the Marlene McGuires and it's that star, Sean Connery. You ought to look for it in your video store. And Italy in the 1970s. And other secret society was formed within a secret society. That was paid away was formed within the grand Orient Lodge of Egyptian Freemasonry, which was founded by the mysterious count kaliastro, a chap who appeared in France in the 1880s and claimed to be 2 000 years old to perform the transmutation of metals, turned lead into gold and plain sight of the Archbishop of Ruan, and healed many sick people just by touching them. There are various theories about how cariastro's magic right the faith. Healing does work if you build up enough enthusiasm, or it works a large part of the time. As for transmuting lead into gold, any stage a magician can do that, just depends on distracting the the attention of the of the audience anyway, caliastro and early on founded the, the Grand Oregon Lodge of Egyptian Freemasonry, which has become more in which, in the 19th century, was involved in many Democratic revolutions against monarchy and feudalism. Show more

By the 1970s in Italy, the grand Orient Lodge had settled down to being more or less conservative and within it lychiel jelly from the secret society called paidue, a secret society within a secret society, just like the Illuminati, pay doorway managed to infiltrate 900 of 950 of their agents into the Italian government. The government fell when this was revealed in the newspapers. The first crack was when a member of paid doorway quit and put out a journal called the zovatori Politico- pardon my lousy Italian- and in it he described a lot of the Crooked deals paidue was doing. He was shot down by Machine Gun fire and Rome. Right after that came out, my Pope, John Paul, ordered an investigation of the Vatican bank and its connections with paid the way, and he was taken suddenly dead of a heart attack. Right after that, funny coincidence, turned out to be operating over 200 fictitious Banks, along with some real Banks, the fictitious Banks which the Italian investigating magistrates called ghost Banks, a name I like. It sounds like it comes right out of one of my novels. The ghost Banks existed only on paper, but they were used for laundering cocaine money from South America because paidue had worked on an alliance with the mafia and the CIA is for the wandering of cocaine money to support the cia's favorite dictators in South America. The money went through the World Finance Company in Miami, which was staffed by eight former CIA agents. A former CIA agent can be somebody who's left the agency, although that's very rare. Usually a former CIA agent is somebody who's still working for the CIA, but he's not on the books anymore. He's getting paid through a numbered Swiss bank account anyway. The World Finance Corporation took all this cocaine money and sent it to the sis Alpine Bank in the Bahamas, which was run by Archbishop machincas, the manager of the Vatican bank, and Roberto Calvi. The president of Banco. Ambrosiano Calvary was found hanging from a bridge in London on June 18, 1982 and they're still arguing about whether that was murder or suicide. Show more

He was wanted for laundering drug money and embezzling 55 million dollars. Archbishop machincas was kicked out of the Vatican bank and made mayor of Vatican City, and that is the Scandal mounted. He was kicked out of there too and he's back in Cicero, Illinois. The third big Kingpin in this outfit was mikalay cindola, Mafia lawyer, who was running quite a few imaginary Banks too, along with the Franklin National Bank in the United States, which turned out to be another drug wandering operation. He was convicted in New York of 55 counts of stock and currency Freud and then they extradited him to Italy where he was convicted of murdering a bank examiner. He was about to go on trial for conspiring with Calvi and jelly to overthrow the government and install a new fascist government when he was poisoned in his cell. The most of the payday activities were connected with the mass West Banks run by the Grand Lodge Alpena, which is the Swiss branch of the grand Orient Lodge. The Grand Lodge Alpena are the people Harold Wilson, the English prime minister, called the Gnomes of Zurich. Everybody else pronounces that gnomes, but Harold Wilson believed the G should be pronounced. He said: the Gnomes of Zurich, these Swiss Bankers who all belong to the Grand Lodge Alpena. The Swiss Bankers control Europe by deciding who they're going to lend money to. If the government can't borrow money from them, it can't do what it wants to do. So you can only, though a government, according to Harold Wilson, can only do what the bankers want to let it do so. The real power is in the hands of the bankers. Other people have said that before Harold Wilson, but he specifically picked out the Grand Lodge Alpena, which, it turns out, Not only was intimately involved with the pay due Banks and false banks in Italy and Latin America, but with the Priory of cyan and France, which is a group of French Aristocrats who have allowed books about them to be published with the wildest imaginable stories. Girarde said, wrote a book called varas fabulous, claiming the members of The Priory of Cyan are descended from into marriages between The Tribe of Benjamin in ancient Israel and extraterrestrials from Syria. Show more

Another book by Beijing, Lincoln and Lee claims that the members are descended from Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene, who was secretly married and had a son who became the founder of the maravingian Dynasty in France, and they have long genealogy showing a lot of interesting people are descended from Jesus and Mary Magdalene, including Prince Bernhardt of the Netherlands, who founded the bilderbergers, the group of financiers who meet every year very secretly and appear prominently in all conspiracy theories, and Otto von Habsburg, the president of the society for the United States of Europe, which has done so much to unify Europe, who was also, by the way, a knight of Malta. The Knights of Malta are an honorary group. The Vatican has given special privileges to many anti-catholic and historians. We got in the Knights of Malta as the Pope's secret police. There was one book claimed the Knights of Malta and the CIA work together continually in South America to maintain the landlords and the church in power and kill off all the peasants who object. Lychio jelly, in fact the founder of paidue, was providing most of the ex-nazis with false identity papers and getting them jobs with the death squads in Central America. So when people ask me if the Illuminati still exists, I don't know, but things a lot like the Illuminati still exist. That's for sure. That's for damn sure. One of the great things about the discordian Revelation that every man, woman and child on the planet is a fully endowed Pope is infallible as anybody else has been. The. We've encouraged the growth of other religions, for instance, the John Dillinger died for you Society founded by our Pope, Horace Naismith. Some claim he's the illegitimate son of John and Dillinger. He won't framework deny. But the John Dillinger died for you. Society holds that Dillinger is the patron saint of our age because he, even during the Depression. He didn't look for a government handout, he was self-reliant, he went out and got money his own way, a direct, honest way, and he left behind many wise sayings, such as never trusted District Attorney's deal or an automatic pistol or you can get more with a simple prayer and a Thompson submachine gun than you can get with a simple prayer alone, who are his favorite saying, which he told to the essence of Buddhism. Show more

And he told us that many Bank presidents, vice presidents, tellers, Bank employees lie down on the floor and keep calm. That really does contain all the wisdom of the Orient, if you think about it. Lie down on the floor and keep calm. And so the John Dillinger died for you. Society has unfortunately been fractured by disputes after a book came out- Dylan jadetta alive- which claimed the FBI shot the wrong guy and was so embarrassed they covered it up and gave up the hunt for the linger, claiming they had killed him. And he's still alive in California, in Los Angeles actually. So now the John Dillinger died for you Society has the symbolic branch that says he symbolically died for us in that alley, even if he's physically alive in Los Angeles, and the revisionists who say he did die but he has risen and that's why he's living in Los Angeles. They seem to record Los Angeles as Heaven, which is what it looks like you first day there. After you've been there a few months you find out it's more like hell. But another of our discordian offshots is the Church of Fred muritz bodhisattva, which is based on the teaching that if you look at I Love Lucy reruns in an altered state of consciousness. And how you get into an altered state of consciousness is entirely up to you. The church does not take a stand on that. But if you're in the right State of Consciousness you'll see that Fred martes is speaking all the great Mystic teachings of the ages. He seems to say nothing but the the stupidest possible remarks. But if you're in the right State of Consciousness, everything he says seems incredibly profound, like hthere was a zen master who answered all questions by saying quats and Fred their response to most things by saying hwell, if you meditate on that, hit has as much meaning as quats. Well, the moo and the other famous, and Cohen. And and then Fred says things like I don't understand women at all, sort of the confession of the intellectual bankruptcy of the last three thousand years of patriarchy. Show more

And then there is the American coffee ceremony, invented by the Java crucians, the. This is the in all respects the opposite of the Japanese tea ceremony, which they feel is not suitable for Americans who just don't have a Japanese temperament. The Japanese tea ceremony has to be done with great mindfulness and care so that every single detail is seen as if you're on LSD. The American coffee ceremony is the opposite. You get up, you stagger to the kitchen, you throw some instant coffee into a cup- you can't bother with percolating real coffee and all that- just throw some instant coffee in a cup and hold it under the hot water until you got something that looks like coffee. You stir it with your finger because you can't be bothered looking for a spoon. And then you face the East and you take a hearty gulp. You face the East, the Rising Sun, and you invoke the Sun, God crying. And then you take a hearty Gulp and you cry out passionately: God, I needed that. And you immediately come to a tremendous Clarity. Your brain wakes up and it just keeps on: tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Your brain just keeps your mind working until you get to the office, when it stops, of course, like all people in offices. Then there is the, the Church of the sub-genius, which has probably attained more Fame than any of the other discordian F shots. This is based on the teachings of JR Bob Dobbs, who issues- not a real Zen type- cohans like: don't just eat a hamburger, eat the hell out of it. Oh, you know this. This is the essence of the subgenius faith. You know how dumb the average guy is. Well, mathematically, by definition. Half of them are even dumber than that. If you understand that, you're ready to start your own religion and become as rich as Bob or rajneesh or the pope or any of them. A disciple, as Bob once told me in private, a disciple is an looking for a human being to attach itself to, and there are millions of them out there. Look at Roger Nish. He grew up a poor boy in India, very poor, and then he read in the paper that Krishna Morelia had come to this country and got so rich he was able to buy a Rolls-Royce. Show more

And Roger niece said: I've got to go to America. It's full of seekers. Why? There's a Seeker born every minute in that country. So he came over here preaching his line of gibberish and he he got 93 rolls royces before they Krishna radio. He had one rajinish got 93 before they ran him out of the country. Every time he got a new role. People don't know why he needed 93 rolls royces. Why does anyone need 93 rolls-roy? Says well, the answer is: every time he got a new one he'd take a Polaroid of it and he'd write on the back you and send it to krishnamady. That's how you play the guru game. My favorite religion, as actually sheenran Buddhism- I was married to nasheen-run Buddhist Church 35 years ago and the great thing about Sheen Ron is it's an offshot of Amira Buddhism. Amida was the Buddha who refused- refused- to enter Nirvana until all sentient beings could enter Nirvana with him. And so he reincarnates for perpetually to bring everybody to Supreme enlightenment. And part of the teaching of Amira Buddhism is: if you call on Amita Buddha once with true faith, that'll be enough. Even if you screw up this life entirely, in your next life you'll do better, and the life after that you'll do better, until eventually you do achieve total Detachment and Nirvana. All you got to do is say in Japanese: in the name of Amira Buddha, if you say with true faith, you will eventually be saved. And in the 12th century a monk named sheenran meditated on this until his heart broke. He thought it was just not fair to those people who can't muster a true Faith. There are some people are always asking questions, Never Satisfied, always asking the next question, always a little bit skeptical. I'm one of them and we just can't manage true faith. We just can't. We're always wondering: maybe there's an alternative, maybe there's another way of looking at it. The Buddha of boundless compassion could he possibly leave us out if he intends to bring all beings the perfect bliss and Enlightenment? And Sheen Ron decided that was impossible. Show more

So, Sheen Ron, Buddhism is based on the teaching that if you say namu, Amir abutsu once, whether you have faith or not, it's enough, you'll be saved eventually. I think that is the most merciful, the most common, sensical, the most generous and the most noble religion ever invented. At least, it seems that way to those of us who are incapable of true faith and the traditional sense. And so I have said, with some degree of faith and with a great deal of skepticism, on numerous occasions: I've never managed total Faith, but I like to say it because Sheen Ron says: whether I believe it or not, it will work. And so I'd like to leave everybody with those words, say them once and, whether you believe it or not, it will work and all your problems will be solved. It may take a thousand incarnations, but eventually you'll get there. And hey, we've got lots of time. All my favorite philosophers are Irish, like Scottish original, who denied the reality of time and said all things are lights. And Bishop Barkley, judge Barkley, after whom the city of Berkeley is named, because Americans don't know how to pronounce Irish names. It should be Barkley. Bishop Barkley proved the universe doesn't exist, but God thinks it does. And William Rowan Hamilton, the great Irish mathematician, who proved that a times B does not equal B times IE, contrary to all previous mathematical Theory. And Jonathan Swift, who got into a great debate with Partridge the astrologer about whether Partridge was dead or alive. And you think Partridge had a distinct advantage in that the paper switch managed to win because every argument Partridge came up with, swift was able to refute the. His major proposition was: just because a man claims he's alive doesn't mean we have to believe him necessarily. But Sean Murphy of the walkie, who inspired Professor Finnegan, is one of my favorites. Nothing is known about Sean Murphy except his influence on Professor Timothy FX Finnegan, the inventor of Paris psychology not to be confused with parapsychology. Show more

But Sean Murphy, of whom all we know is a remark attributed to one, Nora Dolan of dalke, who said: sure, the only hard work that Finnegan lad ever did was climbing back onto the bar stool twice a night after falling off it. But Murphy said to Finnegan One Night in a donkey Pub: sure, I've never seen an average day, I've never met a normal man or a woman, and Finnegan had had 14 pints of Guinness at that point and he suddenly saw the profundity. He called it Murphy's First Fundamental finding and all of his books of philosophy are devoted to the implications of this. There wasn't a single person in the pub who looked like an average Irishman and going out on the streets he couldn't find an average Irishman or an average Irish woman. He couldn't even find an average dog and he couldn't find. And you know, he realized he'd never seen an average day, he never saw a normal human being, he never saw a room in which the corners make perfect grade angles geometrically. And so the whole system of parapsychology, which is based on Murphy's face fundamental finding, and the French philosopher, Alfred Shari, who invented paraphysics, the science of non-repeatable events, Professor Finnegan, to invent para's psychology, the science of things that you see but you can't believe. And one of the things he saw that he couldn't believe was that nothing is normal. The normal, he decided, is purely an English invention that derives from mathematics. The normal and the average are statistical abstractions that don't exist. And so he formed psychon, of which I am the American director. A psychon, that's the committee for surrealist investigation of claims of the normal. And we claim, Finnegan claims, and I agree, and cyclon has been crusading for years to demonstrate there are no normal people, any, whether there are normal dogs, normal giraffes, normal events, normal days, average, nobody is the average size, nobody is the average weight. These are, these are all pure fictions, the normalists who live in a world entirely of abstraction and fiction and metaphysical entities that cannot be found in the normal world of sensory, sensual space-time in which we actually live. Show more

So Professor Finnegan is offering a ten thousand dollar reward to anybody who can produce an average human being or a normal day, and none of the normalists have been able to confront this challenge. They just can't find the average of the normal. It's purely abstract. The normal is that which none of us quite are. When I came back to this country from Ireland. I was astonished at all these ads by the partnership for a brain free America, or no. They call themselves The partnership for a drug-free America. I thought it was the Christian Scientists were behind it. But it turns out that there are people who don't know what a drug is. They're against some drugs, but they they just feel that they said the partnership for freedom from some drugs. They sound kind of silly. So they claim they're against all drugs but actually they are not doing anything at all to stomp out the use of penicillin, aspirin, antihistamines, pro-cardia, Prozac- mostly most of the the heavy drugs that that the medical profession is pushing on us all the time. They're just against some drugs, which is kind of ridiculous, because we're supposed to have a war on drugs and meanwhile we got eight people who have been convicted of refusing to use drugs, who are whose cases are under Appeal, on their way up to the Supreme Court. These are the only true partnership for a drug-free America. They're Christian Scientists. They won't use drugs under any circumstances, even if the medical profession insists the drugs are necessary to preserve life. They say life is preserved by faith and they won't take the drugs. So we're. So we actually got a war against some drugs, which is a war for other drugs. So people are going to jail for using some drugs and other people are going to jail for refusing to use any drugs. And it's, it's, it's really crazy. And then they have these commercials. This is your brain on drugs. This is your brain on drugs with an English muffin. This is your brain on drugs with an English muffin and two slices of bacon. Show more

Where do they get this stuff from? And then I started seeing these other ads. The first one I saw was in Penthouse, but they're in lots of magazines: guaranteed drug-free urine. And this is a place in Boulder, a PO Box in Boulder, Colorado, which is a major mystery. I've been in Boulder, I've been in Boulder several times. It's beyond my comprehension how you can find drug-free urine in Boulder or within 100 miles of Boulder. And then I discovered there are big cattle ranches there. Well, one of the great achievements of the Neolithic age was they found out how to use every part of the cattle. They use the hoofs to make ornaments, they took the milk, they ate the meat, they did things with the horns, they used the height for leather to make belts and shoes, and so on. Nobody ever found a way to use the cow piss. Now somebody has found out a way to use kahoop as they're selling it through the mail: guaranteed drug-free urine. It doesn't say human you are and it just says drug-free yarn, because you're not going to find guaranteed drug-free human urine in the United States today. Everybody has tried. If you, most cough medicines will register a positive for heroin even though they don't have heroin in them. But they're close enough that Laboratories can't tell the difference. If you have one of those puppy seed rolls you might register positive for heroin because the poppy seeds have a little opiin them. These tests are about 95 percent accurate. So five percent of the people are getting inaccurate readings. So somebody is. Somebody in Boulder has found a way to sell cow pests through the mail. I think it's a major achievement, that of American Ingenuity, and it shows I always thought Reagan was a total cynic and he never would do anything except for his rich friends, but he actually has done something for small business. There are quite a few of these places selling guaranteed drug-free urine. Now none of them say human you are and they're getting it all from cows. And this is a great Boon to little businesses. Show more

Little businesses are springing up everywhere. The only problem is one of these days some poor bastard is going to be called in by his employer and they're going to be told you passed the drug test and they'll say: well, of course I wouldn't lower myself to using anything illegal. I said yeah, and the boys? I said yes, but unfortunately you've got foot and mouth disease. I'm going to have to shoot you before you infect the rest of the herd. My favorite religion is actually shinron Buddhism. I was married in the sheen run Buddhist Church 35 years ago and the great thing about Sheen Ron is it's an offshot of Amita Buddhism. Amida was the Buddha who refused- refused to enter Nirvana until all sentient beings could enter Nirvana with him. And so he reincarnates for perpetually to bring everybody to Supreme enlightenment. And part of the teaching of amida Buddhism is: if you quell on a meter Buddha once with true faith, that'll be enough. Even if you screw up this life entirely in your next life, you'll do better. In the life after that you'll do better, until eventually you do achieve total Detachment and Nirvana. All you got to do is say in Japanese, in the name of Amira Buddha, if you say with true faith, you will eventually be saved, and in the 12th century, a monk named shinron meditated on this until his heart broke. He thought it was just not fair to those people who can't muster a true Faith. There are some people are always asking questions, Never Satisfied, always asking the next question, always a little bit skeptical. I'm one of them and we just can't manage true faith. We just can't. We're always wondering: maybe there's an alternative, maybe there's another way of looking at it. Compassion, could he possibly leave us out if he tends to bring all beings to perfect bliss and Enlightenment? And she and Ron decided that was impossible. So, she and Ron, Buddhism is based on the teaching that if you say namu, I meet up once, whether you have faith or not, it's enough, you'll be saved eventually. Show more

I think that is the most merciful, the most common, sensical, the most generous and the most noble religion ever invented. At least it seems that way to those of us who are incapable of true faith in the traditional sense. And so I have said, with some degree of faith and with a great deal of skepticism, on numerous occasions: I never manage total Faith, but I like to say it because Sheen Ron says, whether I believe it or not, it will work, and so I'd like to leave everybody with those words. Say them once, and, whether you believe it or not, it will work and all your problems will be solved. It may take a thousand incarnations, but eventually you'll get there. And hey, we've got lots of time, thank you. [applause]. Show more